


Curse You and Your Opposable Thumbs

by dreamiflame



Category: Original Work
Genre: Evil Plans, Gen, Saving the World By Mistake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 21:29:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17691413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamiflame/pseuds/dreamiflame
Summary: Mittens, the great and powerful supervillian, finally had all the parts of his plan in play: his nemesis was neutralized, his weapon was ready. This time it would all go as planned.Then his owner got home from work.





	Curse You and Your Opposable Thumbs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gammarad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gammarad/gifts).



> Happy Chocolate Box Day! I saw this request and laughed like a loon imagining it. Hope you enjoy.

The living room was full of light from the two large windows, their blinds up. The cord to the leftmost blinds was pulled taut, the reason being the black cat backlit in the window, pride evident in every line of his body.

Mittens yowled in triumph. “Finally! Mwahahahahahaha!”

Below him, tangled firmly in the cord to the window blinds and completely unable to move so much as a whisker, Puffball opened her eyes wider. “Mittens, no! You can’t do it! It’s too horrible!”

“Shut up!” Mitten snapped at her. “I’m tired of hearing your ridiculous arguments. ‘Oh, don’t hurt him Mittens, he’s just trying to help you.’ He was trying to murder me!”

For some reason, that made Puffball’s fur smooth down. Maybe it was the familiarity of the argument. “You had an infection. Big Cat was just giving you medicine.”

Mittens swiped at the cord, sending Puffball spinning. “He was poisoning me!”

His tail lashing, Mittens let the sight of his rival swinging miserably calm him down. “But now, he’ll pay. They’ll all pay! Mwahahahaha!”

“Mittens?” said his owner, coming into the living room. “Oh, Puffball, not again.”

“No!” Mittens yelled, and leapt for Big Cat’s legs. “Don’t let her out!”

Big Cat rubbed a hand soothingly over Mittens’ back, forcing an unwilling purr from the black cat before the human reached up to untangle Puffball. “Don’t worry, Mittens, I’ll get your sister out in no time.”

“You stupid fool!” Mittens yelled, but Big Cat, obtuse as always, didn’t listen, and soon Puffball was free. Mittens leapt away for the couch, but she followed, landing on his tail and knocking them both back to the floor. 

She cheated, as always, using her longer legs from her Siamese heritage to kick Mittens into submission before he could properly defend himself. Mittens squalled in annoyance as she sat on his shoulders, pinning him down.

He could see Big Cat again, and truly wished he couldn’t. The human’s face was scrunched into a look of disgust, and he was staring right at the old water dish Mittens had used to mix his weapon in.

“Ugh, what is that smell?” Big Cat said, as if it wasn't clear it came from Mittens' greatest triumph. Fetching gloves, plastic bags, paper towels, and that dratted natural pet mess cleaning spray, he proceeded to destroy all of Mittens’s months long hard work in less than five minutes.

Puffball gave a pleased purr. “There. Now your new biological weapon can’t hurt anyone.”

Mittens twisted sharply to get out from under her. “I hate you,” he said, taking a swipe at her. But as always, she was just out of reach. And reaching her paw back like the cocking of a pistol.

The next moment, her longer legged swat sent him spinning across the floor. Mittens dug his claws in to stop himself and ended up resting next to Big Cat’s leg.

“Don’t worry, Mittens,” Big Cat said. “I got rid of that awful mess.” He bared his teeth in a weak ridiculous human threat, and carried off the biological weapon that had been Mittens’ way to world domination.

“I hate this place,” Mittens grumbled, and retreated to his lair below the bed to lick his wounds and start planning again. “Curse you and your opposable thumbs.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my superfast beta


End file.
